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The Power of Being “Wifey”

I’m not married yet, but nothing will stop me from acting like I am.

My home is filled with love letters, poems, and pictures of my two-person family. On the outside, we’re just a normal couple living in a small apartment, but on the inside, we’re rich in togetherness and fulfillment. We don’t have enough money to seal the deal and for me to officially be “wife” right now, so I’ve become “wifey”.

For a really long time, I defied any notion of getting married because I believed the rumors that married couples stop getting along and stop having sex once they exchange nuptials. I believed that once I got married, it would mean that I would have to be miserable and unhappy, but then I began to question that. Why would I marry someone if we weren’t going to treat each other like gold? Why do people get married just to begin being nasty to each other? Out of this fear, I thought I’d never want to get married.

If we always treat each other with love and respect, why would that suddenly change once we get married? My significant other began calling me “wifey”, and it immediately had the power to make me giggle with glee. Knowing that I was giving my all to someone and being completely mindful to always treat them with kindness made me feel whole. There was no oddity, no signs of disloyalty, and no strange mind games. I was someone’s dream woman, and even though I didn’t go out of my way to be chosen and change myself, I’d mutually met my match and felt happy in the utmost.

It doesn’t matter anymore whether or not I have the title of “wife” yet because we’re already happy and marriage is really just a piece of paper. What matters is the way in which my boyfriend and I treat each other, and I think that too many of us get carried away in a jealous agony when we see other people who don’t seem as crazy in love as us getting the chance to tie the knot.

The truth is that weddings, even when done on a budget, are expensive and tumultuous affairs. It costs nothing to act like you’re married, but it costs a lot to actually get married. I’m content with playing and pretending to be “wifey”, even if it does sound a little silly. I know that one day I’ll be afforded the chance to get married just like everyone else, and that the fact that we have to wait when we’re so sure of what we want is just a part of the magic. I like to imagine how special our affair will be after all of this waiting.

I’m not “wifey” because I’m some kind of trophy princess. In fact, I could probably be much prettier, smarter, more eloquent, etc. Being loved for who I am makes my life festive and every day after work, we come together at 4 p.m. for a daily whirlwind of sweeping each other off of our feet. It’s beautiful, and it means so much more than a one-day ceremony.

A wedding is one day, but this is every day.

Being in this role isn’t about cooking or cleaning or being the perfect homemaker. It’s about my role in every aspect. Being appreciated just makes us constantly go above and beyond to do the most we can for each other. While my boyfriend always tells me that it isn’t my “job” to do laundry or dishes or cook because I’m a woman, I like doing it because it’s for him. It’s for us. If he were an alien, I’d still do these things for him. My prerogative to make our lives as comfortable as possible stems from love, not from a role that society tells me I need to fulfill.

The best part of being “wifey” is that I still get to be an individual. I’m still Heather, and in my home, the things that make me who I am are celebrated. After putting writing on the back-burner for years, my hubby is the one who encouraged me to start writing again and make a place for myself online. He shares, reads, and talks to me about my work, honestly analyzing what I’ve created and critiquing it with the expertise of knowing me better than anyone else. He even lets me read poetry and fiction to him. It brings me great joy to listen to him, too, and I’ve even taken it upon myself to learn to play video games so that we can bond in a way that he likes. There’s so much positive give-and-take, compromise, and awe for appreciating each other’s passions.

In a world where women are expected to be satisfied with the often infantilizing process of wedding planning and the word “Bridezilla” is an all too common term, it can be difficult to avoid getting wrapped up in the wedding craze. If I were rich, I would probably elope tomorrow. But for now, I’m comfortable being cherished as “wifey” and know that being Mrs. doesn’t make or break the love that I get to be a part of.

I write about various topics and occasionally share wisdom I’ve earned through suffering.

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